A Birth Story

Leida (pronounced “Lay-dah”) Maeve Stanley was born on July 10th at 9:04pm at 7.7lbs & 19.5 ins of pure amazing-ness.

First thing is first: Mommas- you are AMAZING.

I don’t care if you birthed with an epidural or without, with the help of pitocin or without, with induction or without, by c- section or vaginally- you are a ridiculously powerful & miraculous human being- period.

My plan has always been to birth as naturally as possible. Although I was never married to birthing at home (but most definitely wanted a midwife at least present), when Aaron & I met with Borne Home, we fell in love. Paige’s autonomous philosophy was exactly what I wanted & so long as all went well with mine & the baby’s health, a home birth it would be!

Exactly how does one prepare for natural labor? Well, I took an online course outlining what to expect and ways to curb the inevitable pain & stay out of the “labor funnel”. Aaron learned acupressure points to help me through contractions, I listened to guided meditations daily and wrote empowering birth affirmations all over the condo leading up to our due date on July 8th.

But, I was still a bit nervous. See, I’d had a taste of what natural labor felt like, having gone into labor for previous miscarriages, and man was it unpleasant. It was so unpleasant that I opted for hospital support & D&C procedures both times (very unlike my usual philosophy). In my heart I hoped that having that sneak peek of the pain would help me when full labor came, knowing that this time I’d have an amazing little reward at the end that I could focus on, making it all more bearable. That was my hope and intention as we neared our due date.

Well, we were blessed. Through the entire 9+ months of my pregnancy – all was well with me & the baby and so homebirth was a 100% “Go!” Paige had a wonderful working relationship with Wentworth Douglas Hospital (only 10 min away from our condo). She was prepared to tell us it was time to transfer at any point during the homebirth, if it was not going safely & as planned.

On July 9th at 4am, I had my first real contraction. It was moderate, like a period cramp or intestinal cramp (diarrhea-like) & I was able to fall back asleep in between each one. The contractions were 4 minutes apart lasting about 1 to 2 minutes in length, but were steadily increasing in intensity.

My labor was long.

40 hrs to be exact, so I’ll keep my birth story succinct.

Contractions continued to intensify and by 12pm on July 9th each contraction was about 1- 1.5 minutes apart lasting about 1-1.5 minutes for each contraction. The contractions would continue at this pace FOR. THE. DURATION. Many hours of cursing, growling, some projectile vomiting, many eye rolls & attitude, “herbal pitocin” and one saline transfusion later- my water finally broke at 7:15pm on July 10th. By 9:04pm Leida was in my arms.

Some women experience pain free labors, heck some even experience orgasmic labors. Good for them!! That’s incredible & I’m truly happy for those women. However….that was NOT the case for me. The labor pains I experienced were FAR BEYOND the “sneak peek” pains I’d experienced during my miscarriages. Some women describe the pain as mere period cramps- but just more intense, and I can agree to a certain extent to this description. But recently I was thinking about the pain and wondering how I could describe it to a male bodied person and it dawned on me. Something that came close to what, I at least experienced; An intense charlie-horse cramp. The kind that wakes you up in the middle of the night, making you shake & grab at your leg trying to make the spasm stop, feeling like you’re possessed by some entity that has taken over your body and is torturing you. Imagine your worst charlie-horse pain x’s 10 and place that pain in your pelvic region. Now imagine having one every minute with a minute break for nearly two days straight. Yes, this was my labor.

You may think I’m sharing this aspect of my birth as “woe as me” attention grabbing or even “Wow! Listen to me, I’m such a bad ass!”… but that is not my intention here. My intention is to now convey how very humbling this natural birthing experience was for me. Never in my life would I have imagined dreaming of a c-section, wanting to give in & go to the hospital for an epidural, begging someone to just get the baby out so I could be done with it all. Never. But I did. I truly, deeply thought about it. And all of the knowledge & science I had learned of the immense benefits of a medication & intervention free birth began to mean less & less to me with each contraction. I knew that I could push on & continue with the natural labor I had planned, but in these moments I didn’t want to- I was over it.

I got exactly the birth I asked for; Drug free, intervention free, in my own time & my own way. And of course just like many areas of my life, my natural birth manifested in a way I could not have prepared for.
Though the birthing tub & my husband’s pressure points provided some relief from the intensity of contractions, I could not for the life of me, shift my mind out of the place of negativity and into a place of surrender. I cursed at every affirmation on my wall and yelled “Good for you!” when the guided meditation I listened to said things like ” I love the sensations of labor & I surrender to them…” I’d never felt weaker mentally- which was so very surprising to me. I wanted to run and escape from each contraction which just made the pain worse and labor longer.

I’d never felt so angry and trapped in my life.

20hrs into labor when I was dreaming about the hospital & C-sections, or the ridiculous possibility of a magical fairy godmother midwife that could take this baby safely out of me asap- I ultimately came to the realization that going to the hospital would not make the misery go away any more quickly. So, through gritted teeth, I chose to stay at home, suck it up and “get it done” the way I had chosen. And I did. Finally. Safely and soundly.

I am forever grateful to my midwife & assistant midwife who were so supportive and gentle, yet assertive when need be. I could not have done it without my hubby’s & their support. They were seriously rock stars.

40hrs was beyond a doozy… it was not pretty and not the best version of myself- BUT- I GOT TO BIRTH MY OWN BABY CATCHING HER WITH MY OWN HANDS and that was the most magical finale to the torture I thought would never end. Yes, it sounds dramatic, but that’s truly how I experienced it. I feel so humbled, lucky and blessed beyond belief and still can’t believe it’s all real.

Leida is beyond words. I could not love or adore her more. I pinch myself every day thinking I’ll wake from a dream. It was all worth it.

Would I change anything if I could? No.

Would I do it again?

The funny thing about Mother Nature is that she makes sure to erase the memory of labor pain- at least enough for your to consider going through it all again. So, who knows. Despite it all, at least right now, I couldn’t imagine doing it again any other way.:) xoA

There are MANY more details of my labor & pregnancy experience that I’m happy to share with anyone who has questions or is just curious. Feel free to email me:)