Feeling wronged, betrayed, abandoned, hurt, rejected, discriminated against, judged, criticized or even violated… life brings us lots of situations, traumas & people who are just downright unpleasant. They are horrible to experience, and more often than not, they are hard to let go of. Things can fester. We hold on to beliefs about situations & people that maybe even aren’t our own, but have been absorbed by another. We replay these painful experiences in our minds. Experiences that make us fearful or angry or sad & alone. We hold on to grudges & we gossip about the people who made us feel bad. We often project hateful & negative thoughts & emotions about the individuals we feel we feel wronged us. And by following this path of reliving the situations & traumas in our minds and believing unpleasant truths about others, how is it serving us? How are these actions bettering our lives? They’re not.
As challenging as it may be to realize, these people and situations present opportunities for growth. They’re our teachers & lessons to help us grow & be stronger. The first step & probably the most important step in the process of growing and learning from these experiences is forgiveness.
Forgiveness is no easy thing. And yet, when we hold onto our grudges, we’re truly only hurting ourselves. Every time we think of the person that wronged us, we feel deeply, and we experience the negative emotions again and again, as if the trauma was happening to us again, right in that very moment. You see the tricky part is, is that our minds don’t know the difference. When we replay things in our mind, it reinforces that experience again and again, and again- re-traumatizing us. And our bodies are listening. What can we do to help navigate through the process of forgiveness? This Hawaiian Forgiveness practice is by far one of the most helpful guides I’ve ever had personally for paving the road toward forgiveness.
As I’ve been sitting with this idea of holding grudges and deep seated emotions from past experiences, in particular around certain people in my life, it dawned on me (again!) that we really are all in this together. We all have our lessons to learn, work to do, life to live, and it’s not always easy for anyone- including those who have caused us distress or challenge. So, what if we started praying for those people instead of cursing them?? (Cursing is a strong word… but anytime we gossip, complain or recount stories of people doing not very good things to us- again and again, we are literally sending those “bad vibes” to them- cursing them). Now I’m sure some of you are already saying “They deserve it! I have nothing good to say about them! They don’t deserve good thoughts! They are horrible people who do terrible things!” This may all be very, very true- and in the same breath we’re all just doing the best we can, right?
I’m someone who believes that everyone, yes EVERYONE, is inherently good. Some of us stray further from that goodness than others. But when that does happen, when people do stray from their innate light, they project their crap on others. And these people ESPECIALLY project their crap onto the people who are closest to them (ie. friends & family) or people who are just naturally empathic & compassionate people that will “take it” without retort. Does it make it right? Absolutely not. Do we have to “take it” and do nothing? ABSOLUTELY not. But maybe we can pause and remember- It’s not about us- it’s about them. They are acting out & projecting because THEY aren’t in a good place and it’s the only thing that they’re able to do. Again, not okay, but important for us to remember. Sometimes having this reminder & realization enables us to forgive, (not forget, mind you) a little bit more easily.
Once we are able to give ourselves perspective around these individuals & situations, not only can we forgive more easily, but perhaps we can make some room for the awareness, that the very thing these challenging folks need from us is our good thoughts and prayers. And before you go back to the voice who is screaming in your head about how these people don’t deserve thoughts and prayers, realize that by sending good thoughts to them, you’re sending good thoughts to yourself too. We are all connected! The “good”, the “not so good”, all of us are interconnected and affect each other like ripples in a pond- not to mention the rule of three. What we put out into the world around us, comes back to us 3 fold. And that’s the truth.
What if, in those moments of struggle & distress when you’ve just had a challenging situation, or perhaps you’re mulling one over in your head again for the 20th time… you pause and you instead visualize & see this person in your mind eye & ask for guidance to be sent to that that person to open themselves for a bit more kindness & understanding, that they foster more compassion for themselves & for others, that their innate goodness could shine through them more strongly, that they release their own traumas and forgive the people that have wronged them, that they receive the healing & inner guidance they need to live their best life & be their happiest selves…. What if we could begin to spread that energy around more?
I know that this would be a beautiful & powerful thing. Something that would benefit every living thing on the planet indefinitely.
So whatever is going on in the world, in your life- whether it’s a political argument, a challenge at work, relationship struggles, someone who cuts your off in traffic or an old deep seated trauma you’ve been reliving no matter how large or small… pause, breathe and remember that when we hold each other in light, and hope for the best for each other( even when it’s not presently apparent- and gosh it’s not easy), it will create more and more ripples in that pond of Universal goodness… and we will always, always, always need more of that. xoA
