It Took Me A Year & A Half To Choose Myself Again
You have to want it- change. Whatever the challenge is- the job, the home, the partner, your health, your happiness… you have to WANT to CHANGE. No one can do it for you. You might be hanging on by your last thread… but if YOU don’t take a step ANY STEP to make a shift, the change you yearn for won’t come.
This is such an important factor in the health & healing field. When I launched my biz as Lion’s Tooth Herbals in 2006, my catch phrase was “You Are Your Own Best Healer.” And it’s the truth. No one can heal you- TRULY heal you, but yourself. Yes, you can seek out professional advice, be given drugs or herbs or surgeries, but YOU are responsible for taking care yourself & creating the lasting change of health. There are no quick fixes that last. The lifelong work is always ours to choose over & over again, and always worth while when we decide to choose it.
On July 10th 2020 a new chapter in my life began as a Mum. I gave my entire self over to my daughter- mind, body & spirit and I did so gladly. Constant sleep deprivation, never ending nursing, struggling to make time to even eat & maintain some semblance of work with Jupiter’s Labyrinth amongst a long laundry list of other responsibilities of life. I felt myself fighting the change initially, trying to do everything the same way I’d done it before and feeling frustrated when it wasn’t possible.
Eventually I allowed a small sense of presence & surrender to seep into my being and I began to feel a shift of a bit more ease. Acceptance of where you are in life is really the first step toward creating change. Not fighting where you are but just allowing yourself to be as you are without resistance & holding faith that CHANGE WILL COME in time.
While this new sense of ease (at least mental/spiritual) continued to flow I could still feel myself shriveling up, starving in a way for – *myself* and in the same breath, it wasn’t important enough for me. Leida was all there was- the priority- everything else could wait. This has been my mindset & the Motherhood wave I’ve been riding for over a year and a half. And I’ve done so willingly not feeling ready to turn back toward myself.
Until the new year hit. Something changed. Each day I began to consider different ways I could begin to choose myself again. I brainstormed different ways to ask for help, to shift gears even in tiny amounts toward coming back to my OWN self care knowing that my complete and total burnout was only a matter of time.
The days went by and I would still day dream about what these changes would look like, still feeling hesitant to actually make any moves. But I was putting my intentions out into the ether, I knew the change would come in time because I was finally feeling ready- making space in my mind for the possibility.
And then the Universe sent me an invitation I had been waiting for (but didn’t know I was waiting for). An email popped into my inbox for an opportunity to work with a physical trainer (& dear friend) virtually in a 1 on 1 program that would be curated just for me.
Being a Yogi for 20+ years & lover of movement I was reminded I hadn’t really moved my body (other than walks) for 3 years! This was the shift I needed- and man has it not only worked, but has catapulted my spirit back to myself in so many ways. I wasn’t expecting “working out” to be the catalyst for what feels like chapter 2 of my new life book… but it has and it feels really good.
It might not be movement for you. Maybe it’s taking a new class. Maybe it’s calling an old friend. Or perhaps it’s as simple as listening to some new music. But if you made it this far into reading this, and you’ve been hoping for a change somewhere in your life and feel like perhaps you’re at the precipice of a shift- keep your heart and mind open. Have faith. Have hope. No matter how long you’ve been waiting or wanting. Let go of your need to figure out the “how” and the “what”. Simply focus on the feeling of desire within you for that change and surrender into that place of acceptance & ease of whatever your present moment/present life looks like. That is your first step and that is the intention the Universe will hear. The change will come if you truly want it- and then step out of the way.
And maybe you aren’t there yet. Not willing to openly invite change. That’s okay too. Come back to peace & surrender. The desire for change will find you when the time is right. After all, it’s the only constant in life. XoA